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purim party sunday. im "wasting" it on Bachelor/ette related podcasts and coffee and probably tv later and more tv when doctor comes home from work. i was at a costumer party last night, jewish purim party. i got to thinking about the costume a bit late, this week. well me an doctor both. the theme was superheroes & supervillains, but when we struggled for ideas we didnt really care cos it was just desperation to dress up as something . we did put something together in the end and in our minds it even fit the theme while being witty. i dressed up as pope and doctor as a nun, kind of the supervillain version of Batman & Robin? i kept thinking it wouldve been hilarious if he "dressed up" as a doctor though, then he wouldve been a superhero? i mean he came straight from work and we rushed to the party, he couldve just kept his scrubs on... aaaanyway. it was great, our friends had put together a really nice party. there was a batman, batgirl, superman (in the journalist outfit with the S peeking from behind the half buttoned shirt - witty), domestic diva and some other cartoon characters and whatnot. makes me want to throw a costume party too now, we did halloween in 2017 but that was a while ago. there was also a vote for the best costume which i won. yay! humbling, since in the end i felt like i couldve tried harder and perfect the outfit but it was too late at that point. doing the make up for the look was interesting. its not everyday that i try to make myself look like a pasty old man. it seemed counterintuitive... but fun. and it was weird at the party cos i found myself thinking "oh my lips feel dry, i need to reapply lip gloss", then realising nope, not this time! or when someone being up the camera, instead of trying to smile and look somewhat.. i dunno, can you try look feminine? cos i just found myself trying to be in character and be this old serious man. who is by some standards a villain. and it felt like the opposite of what i want to do when there is a camera in front of me. all in all interesting when you are hiding under this tent of a cape and your "role" does not include being attractive or feminine. which makes me question if it is a role, normally. last night made me think unconsciously it is. i dont of course prance around in social situations trying to fill a role, i feel like i am myself, but trying to stay in character last night it just seemed different, especially with my facial expressions. my old mouse had to be retired, it was just time. i know i was the last person on the planet using a mouse with a cable but since i have a desktop computer i just always felt like why not... it felt more secure. but okay, its 2019 so i think were there. i actually got doctors old mouse, im so specific about how i want the scroll to be and his was the right way and he was eager to get a new one for himself anyway. sexism we also had a couple of good conversations at the party regarding gendered language and sexism. i dont think this wouldve happened 10 years ago, or it wouldve been less likely. but #metoo and all that is amazing in that it has brought this stuff up and a lot of men are expressing support and being mindful now. imagine this: a man says something sexist (as a throwaway joke), and i point it out and he genuinely apologises. just like the conversations, i dont think it wouldve happened earlier. and its funny how touched i was by the apology, as i didnt expect it. cos i am used to men belittling or playing down sexism, even "the good guys". and to be fair, in hundreds or thousands of situations i have not even noticed let alone bothered to say anything, because i dont want to be ruining the moment or come off as the bitchy woman (funny enough, since i come off as more less bitchy anyway?). its easier to just let it slide. maybe its not necessary to comment on every sexist remark, cos that would be a full time job, but i find that now i feel confident enough to do that if i want to. i think its a combination of both age and #metoo. i think if people just slowly become a little bit more mindful it will eventually lead to change. on being childfree and selfish(?) someone in a facebook group was asking why do so many consider childfree women "selfish". i actually stopped to think about it. selfishness is doing or choosing something that benefits you instead of others, or wanting to please yourself first and foremost but propbably at the expense of pleasing others. so then, it sounds like on the scale there is a womans choice or what she feels is to her benefit, and ... who's benefit? societys? one must think that its for the common good for women to have kids, and a bit of a job you are expected to do. because if it was neutral, then a woman forgoing kids wouldnt be putting her needs before anyone elses and it wouldnt be selfish. it would just be a choice. so it must be that a lot of people consider it subconsciously (or consciously) a womans job in life to reproduce. and despite all the praise of how amazing it is, it is known to be a hard job where u basically sacrifice a big portion of yourself and some of your own goals and wants. so when someone is basically saying "im not interest in that hard job" ... it sounds selfish for anyone in that mindset. nobody blames a random dude for not becoming a plummer or a politician or some other tough job, cos its considered a choice. but motherhood is expected of women, must be some kind of deep "keeping the species and village alive" thinking. but at this point of this planet, since we are conscious beings, maybe we can question ourselves a bit? most women definitely want kids anyway, so there is no worry about the continuity of the species unless we ironically ruin the conditions for life with overpopulation (and lifestyle, which we seem unable to change). also i think if u ask a lot of women "why did you have kids?", it will start with something like "i wanted...". YOU wanted? whos selfish now lol. but to be honest i have no need to try turn the choice-shaming around, women get enough of that. i think it is pretty much programmed in any species to reproduce and hence it keeps happening under the direst circumstances, but those calling childfree women -note, especially WOMEN, not men so much- could reconsider the selfishness aspect over. i dont recall myself being accused of selfishness in regards to this, although it could be i just dont remember. but im one of those people who just go "okay so im selfish, so what, what is it to you? happy now?". like, i dont care if im being called selfish and whether i am actually selfish or not i can just say "sure, i am" cos if someone wants to think that then go for it, its not like i will get along with that person anyway or change their mind. but on a general level i dont think that type of shaming should go on. cute shirt i just got (2nd hand eBay) UFC so Family Man from Espoo was here last weekend and we went to see UFC Fight Night 147. that was good, as expected. some really good matches but admittedly also a few boring ones that just dragged on and one and went to the judges. i dont think its cool how the english crowd boo at the foreign fighters when its a UK vs something match... thats just not classy. work related meme :D shimmery matte nails yay recent pub and restaurant experiences... Spanish Galleon in Greenwich, there was a fireplace and it was cozy. Greenwich is so touristy it dampends the mood a bit. Three Little Birds in Brixton. always cute and friendly, jamaican inspired. Giraffe near Victoria. basic nice. we dined here with Serdar last week - he is another turkish doctor going through the process of coming to work here.